Day 11: When you clear your thoughts you save a lot of money... $650 vs $125, also, after 9 months, a menses!
This morning am set to take my insurance physical. I linger in bed until the last moment I can. I hear the dogs barking and go out to greet the insurance rep and bring the dogs into the house. We conduct the physical in my mom's house on our lot because it is cleaner and to be honest, I am embarassed of my messy house. It's unkept and now muddy but I will get to it by Sunday after I put in the hours to drive for Lyft and Uber.
The exam was short and she is off rather quickly. I call AAA to get a tow truck to take me to Pep Boys. Once there, late, I am told I did not have an appointment, even though I called, and that the wait was 3 hours. I notice Lyft has a training session. I didn't have to go through anything like that, I just got to driving once I passed a background check and then had to figure it out on my own. This is neat the train you on how to use the app now.
I spend the time texting my buddy in Finding THETIS, Bryce, and we talk about Pizza and Lasagna. I find my way to a near by Italian restaurant to eat and snap photos of the food and send them to my husband, and to two of my band mates.
I then daydream about opening up a lasagna house while eating the lunch lasagna plate at the restaurant. I relay this thought process to my husband via messenger. He says we have nothing in common anymore and that we don't share the same dreams, but this is one that we always enjoy daydreaming about together.
I take my desert to go, the canoli is just too sweet for me anymore. Upon arriving back at Pep Boys I search for the car to put my things in since I am tired of lugging around a sketch pad, a tablet, a notebook, and a catalog. I see a mechanic inspecting the tire and I notice it is not inflating. I walk up to inspect and we discuss options. I brought two good tires that I had just bought not too long before but got replaced anyway, just in case we need it now. As he took off the wheel again to set it down and look at the other two tired he sees a crack in the rim.
"Here is the problem. Your rim is cracked and all the air is leaking out of there. We don't sell rims for your car, you have to go through the dealer" He gives me an I-am-sorry-face and I know this is going to cost more than I can do right this moment. I was prepared just to swap out the tire not get a new rim!
I sit in the car and call the dealer to check... they have to order the part and it will cost $650, $600 if I don't want the logo and want to use the logo cap from the old rim... well duh! But I start to lose my cool. I need my husband to help me, and I don't want to ask because he already feels like I am using him. I do not want to cost him money because I feel like this will devalue me in his eyes. I feel terrible and helpless, my husband doesn't like being my husband, and I can't take care of myself right now. Of course, a but more negative thoughts began to flood in.
When I was sitting in the waiting room before I was rewriting lyrics to an old Blackwater Prophecy song which never got recorded, and I wanted to rewrite the whole thing... but the lyrics tell of staying strong and persevering. I must heed my own messages.
I speak to my husband, he is of course supportive, I forget why I worried at the moment. He asks if I called around and I get to doing so. The first place I call is Firestone and the nice man on the phone reminds me that Junk yards are a thing. After the third place I called through being referred by the previous places, I find the rim. $125 plus tax. All I need now is a ride there and back.
My husband had suggested I use Lyft but I knew I did not have enough money on my card. I remembered his card and used it instead and when i got to the junk yard I used it again. That one lyft driver made $55 bucks in one hour, not a bad ride. When I get back to Pep Boys they say it will take another hour to get to it.
My husband waits at his bosses house and talks to me on the phone waiting with me for an update. If they cannot fix the car, he would come pick me up. Luckily they did fix it in time and I headed home.
The conversations with my Lyft driver gave me hope to persevere with ride-sharing. He puts in a lot of hours in one day, but I feel I need to do this right now.
I feel relieved and competent. I really almost had a major freak out. I took to Facebook and posted my worry, people were supportive, and I bounced out of it. I feel a little foolish for doing so, but at the same time, why not? I even mentioned, "no wonder my husband doesn't want me anymore." I wonder who caught that? I wonder if his family saw it, or if everyone thought I was just being dramatic.
Heading home I stop by the AM PM for gas. The pump I end up at is #6, I have $6 cash and can safely put $6 on my card after the expenses today. It was small what I paid for the tire service at Pep Boys compared to my husband's help today. 666... I don't particular like this even though I think it is funny. And walking to the car after paying, Sweet Home Alabama is playing over the speakers... didn't they die? I wonder if the rim comes from a car involved in a fatal accident. I seal it with a protection charm, old magick habits.
I later tell this experience to my husband and tell him I don't particularly believe in coincidences.
When I get home it is already 8 pm. I feel a little bummed out I don't have much time with him again. He is playing video games, but I ask if he wants to watch Travelers again. We do. And I drink some of that special lemonade. After a day like today and the stress and tears I fought back, I want to sleep well. I fix myself a cup of hot chocolate and notice one of the sketch books that I had bought on the counter with the Micheal's receipt neatly placed on top of it.
I wonder if my husband thought something disproving of my purchase. I bought the items before I had the accident. But perhaps he thinks I am irresponsible since I had no money to care for myself but I bought art supplies and was out $25. Why do I think this way? Do I feel guilt? These are my own insecurities and I shouldn't over-think things.
Tonight I get to sit closer to him. He scoots a way periodically if my arm is touching his too much but for the most part we are touching. Sophia is on my right side so there is not much room anyway. At the end of the episode he gets up and gets ready to go to bed. He lingers in the doorway and I ask for a hug, He answers an affirmation and it seems as though he expected I would ask. I think too much, so I wonder if he was actually waiting to comfort me after a long day, but he still wouldn't offer, he waited for me to ask for it. Still, I feel this is a good thing. This is better than in the past. But I could be completely mistaken, this has happened before.
I decide to go to bed, I am feeling the effects of the THC. In bed my cousin is messaging me. Somehow she knows I am feeling the effects, and we laugh about it. After finishing the conversation and deciding to go to sleep I feel something happening with my body. I get up to go to the bathroom and find I am having my period.
My menses!!! I have never been so happy to bleed! It had been 9 months, at one point I wondered if I was pregnant but I was not. I wondered about this being infertility as we are still without children. I do not care if you, the reader, finds this part gross. Get over yourself. This is a natural part of life and if a woman all of a sudden doesn't have a cycle at my age, something is very wrong... so you see, this is part of my health concern. Plus I want children and this is a necessary part of that being an option.
After almost having a panic attack to putting my faith in God that all will be well, to end the day on my menses returning makes me so very optimistic for tomorrow! I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, I can't wait to get on the road to being healthy again!
The exam was short and she is off rather quickly. I call AAA to get a tow truck to take me to Pep Boys. Once there, late, I am told I did not have an appointment, even though I called, and that the wait was 3 hours. I notice Lyft has a training session. I didn't have to go through anything like that, I just got to driving once I passed a background check and then had to figure it out on my own. This is neat the train you on how to use the app now.
I spend the time texting my buddy in Finding THETIS, Bryce, and we talk about Pizza and Lasagna. I find my way to a near by Italian restaurant to eat and snap photos of the food and send them to my husband, and to two of my band mates.
I then daydream about opening up a lasagna house while eating the lunch lasagna plate at the restaurant. I relay this thought process to my husband via messenger. He says we have nothing in common anymore and that we don't share the same dreams, but this is one that we always enjoy daydreaming about together.
I take my desert to go, the canoli is just too sweet for me anymore. Upon arriving back at Pep Boys I search for the car to put my things in since I am tired of lugging around a sketch pad, a tablet, a notebook, and a catalog. I see a mechanic inspecting the tire and I notice it is not inflating. I walk up to inspect and we discuss options. I brought two good tires that I had just bought not too long before but got replaced anyway, just in case we need it now. As he took off the wheel again to set it down and look at the other two tired he sees a crack in the rim.
"Here is the problem. Your rim is cracked and all the air is leaking out of there. We don't sell rims for your car, you have to go through the dealer" He gives me an I-am-sorry-face and I know this is going to cost more than I can do right this moment. I was prepared just to swap out the tire not get a new rim!
I sit in the car and call the dealer to check... they have to order the part and it will cost $650, $600 if I don't want the logo and want to use the logo cap from the old rim... well duh! But I start to lose my cool. I need my husband to help me, and I don't want to ask because he already feels like I am using him. I do not want to cost him money because I feel like this will devalue me in his eyes. I feel terrible and helpless, my husband doesn't like being my husband, and I can't take care of myself right now. Of course, a but more negative thoughts began to flood in.
When I was sitting in the waiting room before I was rewriting lyrics to an old Blackwater Prophecy song which never got recorded, and I wanted to rewrite the whole thing... but the lyrics tell of staying strong and persevering. I must heed my own messages.
I speak to my husband, he is of course supportive, I forget why I worried at the moment. He asks if I called around and I get to doing so. The first place I call is Firestone and the nice man on the phone reminds me that Junk yards are a thing. After the third place I called through being referred by the previous places, I find the rim. $125 plus tax. All I need now is a ride there and back.
My husband had suggested I use Lyft but I knew I did not have enough money on my card. I remembered his card and used it instead and when i got to the junk yard I used it again. That one lyft driver made $55 bucks in one hour, not a bad ride. When I get back to Pep Boys they say it will take another hour to get to it.
My husband waits at his bosses house and talks to me on the phone waiting with me for an update. If they cannot fix the car, he would come pick me up. Luckily they did fix it in time and I headed home.
The conversations with my Lyft driver gave me hope to persevere with ride-sharing. He puts in a lot of hours in one day, but I feel I need to do this right now.
I feel relieved and competent. I really almost had a major freak out. I took to Facebook and posted my worry, people were supportive, and I bounced out of it. I feel a little foolish for doing so, but at the same time, why not? I even mentioned, "no wonder my husband doesn't want me anymore." I wonder who caught that? I wonder if his family saw it, or if everyone thought I was just being dramatic.
Heading home I stop by the AM PM for gas. The pump I end up at is #6, I have $6 cash and can safely put $6 on my card after the expenses today. It was small what I paid for the tire service at Pep Boys compared to my husband's help today. 666... I don't particular like this even though I think it is funny. And walking to the car after paying, Sweet Home Alabama is playing over the speakers... didn't they die? I wonder if the rim comes from a car involved in a fatal accident. I seal it with a protection charm, old magick habits.
I later tell this experience to my husband and tell him I don't particularly believe in coincidences.
When I get home it is already 8 pm. I feel a little bummed out I don't have much time with him again. He is playing video games, but I ask if he wants to watch Travelers again. We do. And I drink some of that special lemonade. After a day like today and the stress and tears I fought back, I want to sleep well. I fix myself a cup of hot chocolate and notice one of the sketch books that I had bought on the counter with the Micheal's receipt neatly placed on top of it.
I wonder if my husband thought something disproving of my purchase. I bought the items before I had the accident. But perhaps he thinks I am irresponsible since I had no money to care for myself but I bought art supplies and was out $25. Why do I think this way? Do I feel guilt? These are my own insecurities and I shouldn't over-think things.
Tonight I get to sit closer to him. He scoots a way periodically if my arm is touching his too much but for the most part we are touching. Sophia is on my right side so there is not much room anyway. At the end of the episode he gets up and gets ready to go to bed. He lingers in the doorway and I ask for a hug, He answers an affirmation and it seems as though he expected I would ask. I think too much, so I wonder if he was actually waiting to comfort me after a long day, but he still wouldn't offer, he waited for me to ask for it. Still, I feel this is a good thing. This is better than in the past. But I could be completely mistaken, this has happened before.
I decide to go to bed, I am feeling the effects of the THC. In bed my cousin is messaging me. Somehow she knows I am feeling the effects, and we laugh about it. After finishing the conversation and deciding to go to sleep I feel something happening with my body. I get up to go to the bathroom and find I am having my period.
My menses!!! I have never been so happy to bleed! It had been 9 months, at one point I wondered if I was pregnant but I was not. I wondered about this being infertility as we are still without children. I do not care if you, the reader, finds this part gross. Get over yourself. This is a natural part of life and if a woman all of a sudden doesn't have a cycle at my age, something is very wrong... so you see, this is part of my health concern. Plus I want children and this is a necessary part of that being an option.
After almost having a panic attack to putting my faith in God that all will be well, to end the day on my menses returning makes me so very optimistic for tomorrow! I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, I can't wait to get on the road to being healthy again!
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