The Life of Syren Franco

 2020 has been a bummer year for most everyone, but I can see it's actually been a good year.  When the pandemic hit, and the world shut down, our planet had a chance to breathe.  This was an opportunity for all to see just how much we affect things.  Human Rights issues have come up not just with the Black Lives Matter movement, but Native peoples are being heard in their cry for justice.  2020 is indeed a humbling year, and we've lost much but we have the opportunity to be better. For me, I lost one of my beloved canines.  Penelope lost her battle with cancer and died in my arms.  She was survived by Sophia and Artemis and the three cats, Kimber, Nagisa, and Snow ball... and myself.  I miss her, and life goes on.  I have her ashes and the memory of her.   I let go of a relationship which though is had a lot of beauty and fun to it, had become so very heavy on my emotional and psychological well being.  The guilt I have is due...

My mom asked me today if I've been depressed since she's moved in.  She added the question if I feel that she's taking up my home.  I told her that I haven't had time to be depressed.  The other day I had some thoughts creep in and I was going to take a moment to process them and reject them.  I didn't even get a chance for that because when I realized that I was having negative thoughts I was interrupted by the sound of her singing opera from the kitchen.  It didn't oi me for a split second, but it was followed by laughter right away.  So tell me, how is that a bad thing?  She's taking up the space that I would feel with negativity and she's replacing it with laughter.  And that's what it's all about.  No one else could do that for me right now.  But my mom can.

I don't believe in control. I can influence, and place my intention into my day, but control is just a false idea of your maneuvering. If there truly is control it is of yourself only and if you feel outside forces have control of you it is because you are letting them... But also... lets talk about love, because we find ourselves disappointed or frustrated but that only comes from expectation. I see nothing wrong with expectation as long as it is not unreasonable. For example I expect my partner to be kind, and considerate, basically to be a decent human being... My partner would expect the same of me... But sometimes they just plain ole don't want you that much, just a little, just when it suits them... well, then your expectations should shift to yourself. I expect myself to treat myself better and one way is to remove myself from crappy situations... The disappointment if I were to stay is not in them, it is in me for being in that mindset ...

Do you see this stack of money?  it is not even that much.  $2,500.  I easily make this each month Yet I still get push back from friends and family who perhaps do not understand the beauty and awesomeness of the gig economy.  "Get a real job", they say.  "I just worry about you", they explain. Listen...  Worrying about me is not going to pay my bills, nor are my friends and family.  Besides that worry does stem from ignorance about the rideshare platforms and fueled concern from the media's fear mongering tactics for ratings. You will hear about scary encounters with Lyft from Drivers and Passengers alike, but consider that there are millions of people and the amount of cases compared to the actual number of users is small.  In any situation in life there is risk because there will always be shitty human beings. For me, yes, I had a few awkward experiences but nothing majorly bad.  Every experience was one I was able to de-escalate or com...

It's really difficult to shine your inner light and love when you are overwhelmed with gloomy circumstances. I am for the most part doing okay. But my soon to be officially ex-husband is so cheery and happy to be rid of me until I try to talk to him and figure things out. He thinks staying out of my way is better, but if I don't see him but know he is here, it hurts, and if I see him, as happy as I am to see him, I remember the reality of things and it hurts... I want him here and I want him out. He'll survive this and thrive, and I will survive this and struggle... but it is a struggle that will lead to growth. I know that. All I want is my home... I don't want to lose my home. It's all financial for him but it is more than that to me. This is where my mom will ultimately come live, with my brother too. This is where I want to raise kids which I hope to adopt since life threw me this situation. This is where my animals are happy and can ...

Honestly, once I posted my last post on Christmas eve I had already felt better, even though I have since deleted the rant.  I got it out of me and could then focus on the good. I called over to my husband in the other room and asked, "Do you want to watch anime on the tablet in bed and eat the goodies your sister shipped over?"  and he agreed.  So I hurried over and got cozy in bed next to him.  We binge watched Attack on Titan and ate pears, chocolates, and nuts. I didn't want to dredge up the negative thoughts I've been fighting, and I didn't want to think beyond the moment.  In those moments all that mattered is I was watching Anime with the man I love.  I am fortunate to be able to rest my head on his shoulder, and we were both enjoying the company of one another, sharing food and watching a show we both enjoy. I decided to go drive for lyft and got home at about 3 a.m.  I went to bed feeling warm inside and I didn't want to change that....

(The things I think about) A break through... something I always knew but never understood... why things are the way they are. It's a horrible place, it's a wonderful place. Surrounded are we by love but surrounded are we by hate. And we get angry, we get offended. And we escape into pleasures of the flesh, even pleasures of the mind. And then some of us wonder if there is more and break away from that. We practice discipline and we reject sin while some of us still indulge and those of us who indulge inadvertently hurt and hold back those of us who are disciplined... sometimes we switch places without knowing... sometimes the discipline becomes a sin, and sometimes the sin burns away and purifies depending on our path and awareness. And today I was revisiting a concept, I was walking with God (so to speak) and a moment of enlightenment flowed through me where all was clear. There is so much to be mad about in the world but it doesn't matter. None of it matters....

Yesterday I drowned a mouse to end it's suffering. I hate that my cat doesn't just kill them and eat them. Why must they play with their food! At first I wondered if I could save him/her. I held the poor thing in my hand and inspected him/her. It's heart was still beating but it was motionless. One eye closed, one gruesomely popped out of it's socket. Some skin torn from on of it's legs and punctures throughout... Would it even survive this? Could it? As I held it in my hands it's cold little body seemed to begin to take comfort. It opened it's eye and looked at me. I petted it and it seemed to rest again... I didn't know what to do at that point. My husband said I was prolonging it's suffering and I thought about my hamster, Popeye, from long ago, who only had one eye and lost a leg... he was happy... but he didn't have internal injuries or a punctured lung. There was blood on my hand coming fro...

Good morning!!! I've been in this house with my husband and my dogs and cats since April of 2014 and since then we've lost some oak trees which we had to take down.  The wood piles were getting bigger and to move them seemed so daunting. Since we bought this house we've helped out several friends with a place to stay while they got on their feet or prepared for their next step.  Most recently we offered my friend Kevin a spot and he was with us for about 3 and a half months before acquiring a job at a local horse ranch which offered housing too!  Since then my best friend, whom I call Alice, moved in after I picked her up from Texas, and I have been working on making her feel at home... Kevin kind of left in such a hurry he didn't clean the RV very well so he felt pretty bad. So bad that he decided to do something nice for both Alice and I.  He decided to come over on his free day to move the log pile out of her way which is a huge help to me too! Let me tell you a ...

This massive storm really wrecked my neighborhood!  I uploaded this video about the damage and my neighbor was going to submit it to the news networks, but her dad advised against it.  People out here don't like to go public!  but alas, I own a blog! Watch the video for the shocking footage!

Been reading the bible over and over. Yes I have read the Torah, and Koran too, but the Christian Bible is the most influential book in my life and my community , so I read it for a multitude of reasons and to understand where people of faith come from. It is obvious to me that people don't read the Bible and if they do, they do not reflect on the lessons.. starting with Genesis it is already telling us to let go of anger, disappointment, and vengeance. It is telling us our actions have consequences but we are always loved, but to do good always, even after we've made grave and harmful choices, just keep doing good, and sin will not be able to destroy you. That doesn't even mean be a saint! Just focus on what's good!

I had been wondering where my ambition went, where my desire went. Not that I don't get spikes of those, but over all, I didn't recognize this feeling... Well there is one desire still, but I accepted I can't do anything about it and accepted it is not in my future and if it is, I will just have to let life play out... But this odd feeling of not wanting anything more was not a bad feeling... What could the feeling be? I was calm, and I just didn't have any crazy aspiratio ns. Then it occurred to me that I am content.  I am content!  And I don't mean I am material in a website, I mean I am happily satisfied. I know I said this before but I just realized how long I have been content and didn't even realize it. I was so used to being in my head I was wondering if I was depressed or something even though I didn't feel gloomy. Not that I have not been happy before, but there was always something, there was always drama, or something from outside source...

Goodness gracious!  I had been away for quite some time from my blogging. I was thinking last night how my life has been chronicled on the internet although mainly via MySpace in it's glory days... all those posts are now gone. I was also talking to a good friend of mine about how I used to tell all online.  Since those days the word discretion has been beat into my consciousness and I ultimately adopted the idea that it truly is nobody's business what I do and how I live my life. Today, I had a reminder that this has nothing to do with business and all to do with inspiration and motivation.  The sharing of ideas and concepts is a very important aspect to growth in all of our personal lives, and so, here I am, back to my blog. Since my last posts, obviously, much has happened.  So much, in fact, and so dramatic, that I could entertain you for moths if not years to come...  in fact, it has been years - so of course I have enough to fill that time span....

Honestly, I am undecided if I like canines or felines better but recently I am all about wolves, thus the title. Anyway, this year rounded off so nicely thus far. 1- Got my dream job back, and realized I did indeed have a dream job because before the first time I worked there I didn't know this. 2- Been losing weight healthy and consistently although the holidays made me plateau a little. 3- Made new friends 4- House is coming along 5- Toxic relationships neutralized and relationships which were previously strained are now good. I turn 34 on Christmas. I look in the mirror and I do not fear aging, but partly because I don't look much different than when I was 24, heck I don't look much different than when I was 14 and I have pictures to prove it. I think I am one of those immortals like Keeanu Reeves.... But the truth is, I don't care if I age visibly or not, I think old age is a privilege not everyone gets to experience and 34 is still so very you...

If I don't need oil/gasoline to power my car anymore, what would happen?   If I no longer need gas to cook my food, what would happen?   If I no longer need electricity to light my house, what would happen?   If I no longer relied on grocery stores for food, what would happen?  If being off the grid simply meant we were part of a collective, free energy, and more organic human to human interactive way, what would happen?   There is so much us common people don't know such as other methods for power, but if we knew about it and utilized it, the ones pulling the strings would lose power and control over their very predictable and reliable machine we call a global economy.  And we all lose our shit over it, don't we?  We keep thinking about the economy and not the meconomy.  Yes, I said "ME"conomy, as in each individual one of us being in control of our own finances rather than the other way around.  Everything we spend our dol...

So I was doing fine, losing weight, slimming down...  slowly, properly... January decided to be fat month.  And while I am not heavier or bigger than my clothes allow for, I decided to stop being so damn accepting of myself. Yes I love myself, I love my curves, I even love my chubbiness believe it or not... so am I happy with myself? No. Why not?  Is it self esteem issues?  Did the media get to me and now I think I should be stick thin?  F no! I do not accept my current health and weight because I do have self esteem.  Because I know my potential and am 100% confident I can reach it.  I do not want to be a gym rat, I hate working out.  Let me be honest here.  It's fun to do from time to time but I hate routine, and hate the idea of having to workout to a routine. So my solution is to have more fun to lose weight. What?  But how does having fun cause weight loss?  Well to me it is fun to go for a walk, to ride ...