The Life of Syren Franco

On Tuesday, January 23, after a typical day and band practice with a raspy voice.  We have a show coming up February 2nd so we are trying to get all our rehearsals.  I did not see my husband all day and I do not remember if I did after we both got home.  I think that I did because I remember him showering... but I am not sure. Wednesday I hung out with my mom.  She wanted to run errands and go to the casino.  We won a little bit of money and she bought me groceries.  She did not have to but she wanted me to make chicken soup to get better.  Her car was still down and my uncle was fixing it.  I came home with a car load of groceries that my mom bought and I had bought but it was late already of course.  My husband was already asleep in the Trailer House.  I put things away and I texted him that enough is enough. "Get over whatever you need to get over."  I said. "Next week you are back in the house."  But when I woke up the 25th...

I wake up to the sound of the gate being opened.  The Sophia and Artemis get off the bed and go to the door wanting to go outside, Penelope of course stays cozy in bed.  The cats get up and want food.  I see the van through the window, he's going to work.  I thought he had the day off!  Well now I feel silly for having wanted him to sleep in our bed last night. I message him, "I thought you had the day off?" He responds and tells me he is getting an oil change and returning client keys.  I worry in my head briefly that he is meeting some mysterious woman... is his attention elsewhere?  No... not him?  But he is a man. He surprises me with another text, "You are right though.  I don't feel still in love with you.  Feels kinda fiendish, but more business associates now.  I won't be sleeping in the house." Unacceptable!  He has to try!!!  He agreed to give me one day a week.  And he had told me to give him time and he...

I wake up late.  It's already noon.  I lost my morning but I feel good. A little groggy, but good.  I think about driving but I am so exhausted for some reason.  I manage to get out of bed and I decide to tidy up.  Upkeep is important after the house cleaning.  I take out the trash and recyclables.  While I am outside I decide to replant a cactus which the gofers destroyed.  Hopefully it re-sprouts roots. As I walk over to dig the hole I see my husband driving up our dirt road.  I open the gate for him and close it behind him and go back to digging.  He walks over to see what I am doing and I ask for his help stabilizing the cactus as I step on the dirt around it to harden it.  Having him help me makes my heart beat faster.  I just feel so happy around him, even when I am nervous anymore, or when I am wondering what the deal is. We head back inside and he goes to the bathroom.  I decide to quickly rearrange the furniture....

Nadine and I wake up a bit late and finally drag ourselves out of bed.  We get ready to go and skip breakfast.  I need to buy a present for the baby shower since I couldn't find what I originally wanted to gift.  We stop by Target and grab a gift and baby wipes to be entered into the raffle.  We head over to my mom's. I take the Toll Road because I wanted to show Nadine a cool part with a nice bridge. We get to my mom's and we can't find her.  We think she left, but she soon pops out.  Nadine's dad and sister went with her other sister, Bea, who is going to be a grandma again.  I put my gift into the gift back I had left at my mom's before and my brother has just arrived from going to the movies puts in a straw into the bag.  We all laugh at how funny it would be to leave it in there, so I do!  I announce I will say the straw is from my brother. We grab the gifts now packaged up nicely and head out.  My mom wants to stop by the bank ...

My cousin Nadine is coming over today but I am not sure if I am going to have to call an Uber or Lyft to fetch her from the buss station and take her to my mom's before I pick her up.  I have a cleaning service today and they are coming at 8:30 a.m.  I am up early enough to go meet them at the store near my house. I am nervous because my house is a mess.  It is a real mess... it is embarrassing for someone else to clean it... but I let friends help me and family... they have before.  I resisted hiring someone for so long.  But I am okay with it now because I need help.  Enough is enough. They arrive and I explain that I will help too.  We all get to work and it is a good thing I helped because one of their team was going to show up later but probably couldn't call due to connectivity, so she never found us.  These women do a great job.  I mean my house is so messy, but now, next week will be just maintenance.  The older woman knocked ove...

I have been getting up late.  This is getting out of hand... and I really need to go back to the Kaiser clinic to get my blood-work done.  I've lost the morning, but I can at least go out and earn money.  I get dressed, my butterfly print top, and khaki pants... I opt to wear my slipper boots... who do I have to impress?  This is not my best outfit.  I don't care. I get to work but it is already 1:30.  After a couple of rides I remember it is Thursday.  Wasn't I going to carpool with Bryce from Finding THETIS?  I send a text message. "We carpooling?" "I was just thinking about you" he replies.  We joke about food before hand and decide to grab pizza on the way to practice, thus we should meet up at 4.  Itis now about 2:30 and I become self aware to what I am wearing... yeah, no one cares, but suddenly I don't want to be this frumpy around my band.  I stop by Ross and buy some dressy pants, a dressier blue shirt, and some shoes, I ...

Today I wake up with knowing that we had a house cleaner that may or may not remember she scheduled to come over.  But I am awake at noon.  I check my Facebook messages... damn, I missed her.  She couldn't find our house though and I message back apologizing and rescheduling for Friday.  She was here early anyway and originally we planned for 11.  Friday this house is going to be spick and span because I will have this house cleaner show up in the morning and then my cousin is coming over and offered to help cleaning and organizing too....  Then all I have to do is stay on top of it. I had woken up a bit earlier to my mom's call.  She told me to rest up and if I drove to check in with her.  So now awake, and having let the animals out, I decide to visit my mom.  She needs to run errands and lacks a car.  I get to her house and suggest we eat out.  I take her to Romano's Macaroni Grill in East Chula Vista, or technically Otay Ranch....

The day is a pretty standard one other than my laying in bed until about 11 a.m.  Am I depressed?  Why can't I find the will to get up sooner.  I let the dogs out, and I got back in bed, and the alarm went off at 10:30 but I dismissed it.  Alas, I get up close to 11.  I get ready for my work day, but I dilly daly.  I wash my hair in the sink rather than shower, and I decide I need to buy foundation today at some point. I think about the trash... I didn't take the cans out.  It's trash day... ooops.  Oh well, such is life.  And why did I not leave earlier, I have a goal amount of money to earn today to pay my mom.  And somewhere along those thoughts, I decide to check Craigslist. An old habit of mine from my days working at MySpace is to check through the personals to flag people.  I used to deal with the classifieds in MySpace at one point, and I think I liked it too much.  I see the app Kik mentioned in one of the personal ads...

When I wrote these lyrics, I had in mind a mother and child... or something to that effect, but by the time the song was complete I felt more like this was about my better half.  And yet, it is not about anything of the sort... so many layers.  The theme here, however, is love.

I wake up fairly early but decide to go back to sleep.  I let the dogs out and set my alarm for 10:30 a.m.  I think about my husband, I miss waking up to him leaving for work, and I miss his goodbye kisses.  At least the bed is comfortable.  I can go back to sleep and dream about those kisses. 10:30 a.m. the alarm goes off.  I dismiss it and lay in bed longer.  Just as I am about to fall asleep I hear knocking and the dogs are letting me know we have a guest.  I get out of bed and get dressed to go greet my visitor.  It's my neighbor, D, and he was stopping by to hang for a few minutes and take a smoke break.  Since before we bought this house he used to come to this property to hide out for a few moments, but now we've befriended him and he is always welcome to stop by. I thank him for waking me up, he is surprised and apologetic about it.  I explain I have an appointment at noon so I needed to get out of bed anyway.  His ...

You know what? When I wrote these lyrics, they were about a struggle that my husband and I wen't through. By the time I wrote this song, we were good. But I listen to it, and I think, wow... this man... How is it that I love him so very much? I am the chaser in this relationship, and he is the withdrawer... and this is a pattern... and knowing this, knowing the things that I know, I am beginning to think I was right all along when I used to introduce him as my soulmate. Even if my concept of soulmates differs from the traditional or widely accepted one. Soulmates challenge each other, it's not suppose to be easy. And yet, it can be, it has been, and it is... Anyway. This song is about commitment, and working things through. The music video has nothing to do with it but is fitting if you don't know what the message is suppose to be. Truth be told, any time I have emotional insecurities or vulnerabilities within my relationship, I listen to this song and "A...

As you saw in my last post, my husband did not respond to my final texts, and today, he missed hockey.   If he didn't go to hockey because he slept in, then I have to admit, I am glad he slept in.  Sleep has been a major issue for him for so long now.  But when he came into the house and made coffee, with a smile on his face, and excitement in his voice to get back to lounging around to do nothing, I took a stand.  I asked him to sleep with me one night a week at least.  He asked which night would be best and I suggested Friday night.  He agreed since Saturdays he usually does not work.  But this honestly comes as a bittersweet decision for me. On the one hand, he is being cooperative, or at least complaint to what I ask of him affection wise.  On the other hand, it is not coming from him.  I cannot help but wonder if he will ever want me at all.  And how will I feel if I get in shape and he wants me then?  Relieved? Frustrated...

I didn't get a good start for driving.  Truth be told I was hoping my husband would want to spend time with me, but I was kidding myself thinking he was ready for that.  All he wants to do is play video games and not worry about anything.  I empathize.  I understand he is overwhelmed.  But I miss him.  I love him so much and I miss him which is only worsened because he is here, we have pleasant conversations and yet he feels so absent from my life now. I gave up and decide to go driving at about 7:30 am.  The day is good, and I pick up many different passengers.  I go through many different thoughts, but most of them I forget.  But some of them find analogies with the show we are watching in relation to the theme in our lives right now.  It does feel like my husband isn't himself, and yet, he is.  And does it matter?  Isn't the soul what matters? I call him again, a final attempt at trying to spend time with him.  I as...

This morning after getting out of bed, tending to the animals, and unloading the tires in my car, I decide to head out and drive a few hours before my appointment.  The idea is I will come home as a break and head out again at night.  I walk out and notice cat, Togame, paying attention to that new tire.  Again I wonder if it was from a fatal accident.  I start to think of good horror movie ideas based on that premise but alas, I went to work. I think about the Lyft driver from yesterday, I wonder how I can maximize my earnings to earn $800 in one weekend. I think my best night was $290 and I put in 10 hours. Thinking about money starts to give me anxiety.  I think about the therapy costs of $180 every week.  I cannot afford that.  I don't want to go to my next appointment now.  I wonder why I ever did such a thing, and now that separation is a real threat I can't afford the luxury of seeking therapy. I give a couple of rides and end up at a ...