What is control anyway? What is expectation in love?

I don't believe in control. I can influence, and place my intention into my day, but control is just a false idea of your maneuvering. If there truly is control it is of yourself only and if you feel outside forces have control of you it is because you are letting them...

But also... lets talk about love, because we find ourselves disappointed or frustrated but that only comes from expectation.

I see nothing wrong with expectation as long as it is not unreasonable. For example I expect my partner to be kind, and considerate, basically to be a decent human being... My partner would expect the same of me...

But sometimes they just plain ole don't want you that much, just a little, just when it suits them... well, then your expectations should shift to yourself. I expect myself to treat myself better and one way is to remove myself from crappy situations... The disappointment if I were to stay is not in them, it is in me for being in that mindset where I am hoping for the impossible because I have no control of them or the situation... but I do have control of myself, so I would leave, even if it sucks, even if it hurts, even if the psychological impact is grater than anyone can see... I have to move on... I have moved on from things reluctantly and painstakingly, but here I am.

I was watching a show and it made me think of this... Television programs do program you, just so you know. Anyway, it reminded me, just because we think something should be does not mean it should... but we can get that thing we thing should be and enjoy it for a while until it vibrates at the frequency that breaks away from yours...

Or can you sync up?

I think the Gurus tell us what we need to hear when we already know but do not know how to quiet our minds enough to listen.

So control? I don't believe in it the way I used to. And I understand the importance of discipline and of showing up for yourself.... It's been a long time since my heart break, since the betrayals, since the loss of my father, since many things, and it has been a short time since even more recent struggles. But you know, I would go through it all again. I see it's value. There are many things I could have done differently but I see how this is the lesson. But why are we learning these lessons? Why is it important to grow? Why is it even our nature? And why are we confined to this construct and to the so few dimensions of perception? Yes, this is where my mind always goes. Let me control my thoughts... What is control? I don't believe in it, but it is there... So I suppose all I can do is practice discipline, keep showing up for myself, and keep going towards my goals, whatever they may be at different stages in life... but there are no guarantees, this is all so fleeting and I can expire at every moment so I might as well make the best of life... And now that you've read my crazy thoughts for today, I hope you have a wonderful remainder of the day!