2020 the year of rebirth

 2020 has been a bummer year for most everyone, but I can see it's actually been a good year.  When the pandemic hit, and the world shut down, our planet had a chance to breathe.  This was an opportunity for all to see just how much we affect things.  Human Rights issues have come up not just with the Black Lives Matter movement, but Native peoples are being heard in their cry for justice.  2020 is indeed a humbling year, and we've lost much but we have the opportunity to be better.

For me, I lost one of my beloved canines.  Penelope lost her battle with cancer and died in my arms.  She was survived by Sophia and Artemis and the three cats, Kimber, Nagisa, and Snow ball... and myself.  I miss her, and life goes on.  I have her ashes and the memory of her.  

I let go of a relationship which though is had a lot of beauty and fun to it, had become so very heavy on my emotional and psychological well being.  The guilt I have is due to knowing that he is willing to fight for me, and yet I know it will destroy me to stay, even if he doesn't believe that.  I do love him, but it is not a path I wish to continue as I believe I must shine as bright as I can and I was dimming in that path anymore.

The moment I let go, opportunities opened up for me.  My career in insurance is back on track and I am simply focused on being the best version of myself.  Oddly enough, ghosts of my past have come around inviting me to self destruct again but I have no interest in games or distractions.  I am on a mission.

The holidays are approaching and the Pandemic is far from over.  I do not know if I will see my siblings this year.  But I miss my family, all of them on both sides.  I am grateful for technology as we can video chat and check up on each other through social media.

I find myself in an amazing situation right now.  I work from home, no longer driving for Lyft, in the Insurance Field, and I have family support.  I feel that if I was to become a mother, even though I am single, now would be a good time.  

I suppose I just have to keep working and being awesome.