The Life of Syren Franco

Book of Enoch, "God" was mad at the angels who came down and taught us cutting of the roots (sorcery), or as I understand it, mind altering drugs.... Why? Why was this bad? But there is more to it than that, for the God of the old Testament seems a bit harsh to be pure love.... And yet He or he is important... I am beginning to understand how we are gods as Jesus told us. We forgot where we came from and are bound here on Earth... Which is why there is no everlasting life without death... We will be resurrected, but perhaps not here on Earth... but then again, there is a lot to think about there too... Is reincarnation a soul trap? Does our spirit have a chance at ever lasting life if we accept this illusionary realm as reality? Perhaps these roots and herbs are the sacramental keys to free our spirits through opening our consciousness, thus seeing our ego, soul, and spirit for their truths.

I did not cry as much today though I still have sporadic bouts of sadness and heart break... But I admit, I get angry too. I have been cycling through the stages of grief. But the anger one I keep inside because it will hurt others, because it places blame on me, and on others... I get angry about circumstances and situations, and paradigms and perceptions, and ideas, and it's pointless to be angry. He's gone. My dad is gone, I can't call him anymore, he'll never respond to my text or email again. We will never sing together again. I will never be annoyed at him or laugh at his jokes again. I will never receive a gift from him again or worry if my gift to him was good enough because I just want him to be proud of me. I will never get to act out, or step up in his presence again. I had 36 wonderful years with fractions of them allocated to spending time with him and I feel it was enough, but I would have wanted more. There was so much we stil

It's really difficult to shine your inner light and love when you are overwhelmed with gloomy circumstances. I am for the most part doing okay. But my soon to be officially ex-husband is so cheery and happy to be rid of me until I try to talk to him and figure things out. He thinks staying out of my way is better, but if I don't see him but know he is here, it hurts, and if I see him, as happy as I am to see him, I remember the reality of things and it hurts... I want him here and I want him out. He'll survive this and thrive, and I will survive this and struggle... but it is a struggle that will lead to growth. I know that. All I want is my home... I don't want to lose my home. It's all financial for him but it is more than that to me. This is where my mom will ultimately come live, with my brother too. This is where I want to raise kids which I hope to adopt since life threw me this situation. This is where my animals are happy and can

On Tuesday, January 23, after a typical day and band practice with a raspy voice.  We have a show coming up February 2nd so we are trying to get all our rehearsals.  I did not see my husband all day and I do not remember if I did after we both got home.  I think that I did because I remember him showering... but I am not sure. Wednesday I hung out with my mom.  She wanted to run errands and go to the casino.  We won a little bit of money and she bought me groceries.  She did not have to but she wanted me to make chicken soup to get better.  Her car was still down and my uncle was fixing it.  I came home with a car load of groceries that my mom bought and I had bought but it was late already of course.  My husband was already asleep in the Trailer House.  I put things away and I texted him that enough is enough. "Get over whatever you need to get over."  I said. "Next week you are back in the house."  But when I woke up the 25th, he sent me a message saying he was do

I wake up to the sound of the gate being opened.  The Sophia and Artemis get off the bed and go to the door wanting to go outside, Penelope of course stays cozy in bed.  The cats get up and want food.  I see the van through the window, he's going to work.  I thought he had the day off!  Well now I feel silly for having wanted him to sleep in our bed last night. I message him, "I thought you had the day off?" He responds and tells me he is getting an oil change and returning client keys.  I worry in my head briefly that he is meeting some mysterious woman... is his attention elsewhere?  No... not him?  But he is a man. He surprises me with another text, "You are right though.  I don't feel still in love with you.  Feels kinda fiendish, but more business associates now.  I won't be sleeping in the house." Unacceptable!  He has to try!!!  He agreed to give me one day a week.  And he had told me to give him time and he would be intimate.  If we are friend

I wake up late.  It's already noon.  I lost my morning but I feel good. A little groggy, but good.  I think about driving but I am so exhausted for some reason.  I manage to get out of bed and I decide to tidy up.  Upkeep is important after the house cleaning.  I take out the trash and recyclables.  While I am outside I decide to replant a cactus which the gofers destroyed.  Hopefully it re-sprouts roots. As I walk over to dig the hole I see my husband driving up our dirt road.  I open the gate for him and close it behind him and go back to digging.  He walks over to see what I am doing and I ask for his help stabilizing the cactus as I step on the dirt around it to harden it.  Having him help me makes my heart beat faster.  I just feel so happy around him, even when I am nervous anymore, or when I am wondering what the deal is. We head back inside and he goes to the bathroom.  I decide to quickly rearrange the furniture.  I put the couch against the far wall in the TV room, perpen

Nadine and I wake up a bit late and finally drag ourselves out of bed.  We get ready to go and skip breakfast.  I need to buy a present for the baby shower since I couldn't find what I originally wanted to gift.  We stop by Target and grab a gift and baby wipes to be entered into the raffle.  We head over to my mom's. I take the Toll Road because I wanted to show Nadine a cool part with a nice bridge. We get to my mom's and we can't find her.  We think she left, but she soon pops out.  Nadine's dad and sister went with her other sister, Bea, who is going to be a grandma again.  I put my gift into the gift back I had left at my mom's before and my brother has just arrived from going to the movies puts in a straw into the bag.  We all laugh at how funny it would be to leave it in there, so I do!  I announce I will say the straw is from my brother. We grab the gifts now packaged up nicely and head out.  My mom wants to stop by the bank and pawn shop because she

My cousin Nadine is coming over today but I am not sure if I am going to have to call an Uber or Lyft to fetch her from the buss station and take her to my mom's before I pick her up.  I have a cleaning service today and they are coming at 8:30 a.m.  I am up early enough to go meet them at the store near my house. I am nervous because my house is a mess.  It is a real mess... it is embarrassing for someone else to clean it... but I let friends help me and family... they have before.  I resisted hiring someone for so long.  But I am okay with it now because I need help.  Enough is enough. They arrive and I explain that I will help too.  We all get to work and it is a good thing I helped because one of their team was going to show up later but probably couldn't call due to connectivity, so she never found us.  These women do a great job.  I mean my house is so messy, but now, next week will be just maintenance.  The older woman knocked over my mom's 1986 Miss Albee Porelain f

I have been getting up late.  This is getting out of hand... and I really need to go back to the Kaiser clinic to get my blood-work done.  I've lost the morning, but I can at least go out and earn money.  I get dressed, my butterfly print top, and khaki pants... I opt to wear my slipper boots... who do I have to impress?  This is not my best outfit.  I don't care. I get to work but it is already 1:30.  After a couple of rides I remember it is Thursday.  Wasn't I going to carpool with Bryce from Finding THETIS?  I send a text message. "We carpooling?" "I was just thinking about you" he replies.  We joke about food before hand and decide to grab pizza on the way to practice, thus we should meet up at 4.  Itis now about 2:30 and I become self aware to what I am wearing... yeah, no one cares, but suddenly I don't want to be this frumpy around my band.  I stop by Ross and buy some dressy pants, a dressier blue shirt, and some shoes, I grab socks on my w

Today I wake up with knowing that we had a house cleaner that may or may not remember she scheduled to come over.  But I am awake at noon.  I check my Facebook messages... damn, I missed her.  She couldn't find our house though and I message back apologizing and rescheduling for Friday.  She was here early anyway and originally we planned for 11.  Friday this house is going to be spick and span because I will have this house cleaner show up in the morning and then my cousin is coming over and offered to help cleaning and organizing too....  Then all I have to do is stay on top of it. I had woken up a bit earlier to my mom's call.  She told me to rest up and if I drove to check in with her.  So now awake, and having let the animals out, I decide to visit my mom.  She needs to run errands and lacks a car.  I get to her house and suggest we eat out.  I take her to Romano's Macaroni Grill in East Chula Vista, or technically Otay Ranch.  We see a lunch special and go for that bu

The day is a pretty standard one other than my laying in bed until about 11 a.m.  Am I depressed?  Why can't I find the will to get up sooner.  I let the dogs out, and I got back in bed, and the alarm went off at 10:30 but I dismissed it.  Alas, I get up close to 11.  I get ready for my work day, but I dilly daly.  I wash my hair in the sink rather than shower, and I decide I need to buy foundation today at some point. I think about the trash... I didn't take the cans out.  It's trash day... ooops.  Oh well, such is life.  And why did I not leave earlier, I have a goal amount of money to earn today to pay my mom.  And somewhere along those thoughts, I decide to check Craigslist. An old habit of mine from my days working at MySpace is to check through the personals to flag people.  I used to deal with the classifieds in MySpace at one point, and I think I liked it too much.  I see the app Kik mentioned in one of the personal ads and remember hearing about it.  I download it