That moment when I realize I have been content for a while and did not even know it!

I had been wondering where my ambition went, where my desire went. Not that I don't get spikes of those, but over all, I didn't recognize this feeling... Well there is one desire still, but I accepted I can't do anything about it and accepted it is not in my future and if it is, I will just have to let life play out...

But this odd feeling of not wanting anything more was not a bad feeling... What could the feeling be? I was calm, and I just didn't have any crazy aspirations. Then it occurred to me that I am content. I am content! And I don't mean I am material in a website, I mean I am happily satisfied.

I know I said this before but I just realized how long I have been content and didn't even realize it. I was so used to being in my head I was wondering if I was depressed or something even though I didn't feel gloomy. Not that I have not been happy before, but there was always something, there was always drama, or something from outside sources and it was turning me into someone I didn't recognize and I became familiar with that someone and then I didn't recognize my true self! So when I was able to breath, I wasn't sure if the air was right! LOL

Yeah, I have gotten bummed, and mad, and all that the past couple of months, but over all, they don't really put a dent in this feeling. I just recognize that I feel poopy, and I reflect on why. I decide to either fix the problem if I can or move on with my life if I can't because if I hold on to it, I won't be able to deal with the next one, before long my pile will be too big for me to carry, so I somehow have been consistent at letting go and not allowing things to come back.

Also, gardening... And believe it or not cleaning... And the animals... I guess it's a form of zen without not doing anything, but it keeps me focused on my present moments.

But yeah, Robert always said he'd rather be content than happy cause happiness is fleeting...

con·tent 2 (kən-tĕnt′)
adj.
1. Desiring no more than what one has; satisfied.
2. Ready to accept or acquiesce; willing: She was content to step down after four years as chief executive.
tr.v. con·tent·ed, con·tent·ing, con·tents
To make content or satisfied: contented himself with one piece of cake.
n.
Contentment; satisfaction.

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