Going beyond death in my dreams...

I remember when I was little, I used to hear people say if you die in your dreams you die in real life; but I knew that was false.  I knew because many times, I would hit the bottom of a cliff and get up and fly away.  I would dream of atomic bombs and perishing in a blast, or being swallowed by tidal waves etc.  But I am still here.  I wouldn't even wake up from the dreams they would just change scenery or theme.

My dream world is a very interesting place and it's truly a surreal place where sometimes I forget that absurdity is not reality.

Luckily I never confuse it for the waking world I live in.

Last night I had a very interesting dream...  I can see where some of my thoughts lead me, and others I wonder what triggered it.  While my dream is actually very long this time, I wish to share only two pieces...  A piece in the middle and one in the end, before I woke...

Part one.

Robert and I had to go to court for some reason.  We were in line to get into the court room for a while but finally got in.   Sitting before the judge, she pulled a file which the bailiff handed to Robert.  The file contained mail addressed to Robert.  All unopened pieces. Robert smirked and said, "yeah, this is all junk mail."  The mail was all offers for high interest credit cards and the judge expressed her concern for his having signed up for them but admitted she saw he indeed had not and that his credit was good.

Then she looked at me and back at him and said, "But she's trouble!  I would advise you to run away and not look back!"

I took offense to that and objected!  I asked the judge to please give an explanation as to how she came up with this conclusion about me.  She brought up a restaurant experience where the waiter had completely sabotaged the meal.  When I tried to be polite about it the waiter screamed profanities at me.  I talked back. (That has never happened in real life but in the dream it was what she brought up) But she did not mention the waiter's attitude, only mine.  She asked, "Did you yell at the waiter?"

I answered, "yes, but only becau...."

She interrupted, "It was a yes or no question Ms. Franco!  Case dismissed!"  And shooed us away.  No verdict, just a bunch of wasted time over nothing.  I was upset.  She didn't even call me Mrs. Skidmore.

Robert and I walked the city streets wearing long coasts to keep warm in the cold dusk and he noticed I was upset.  He asked, "Are you sad?"

"No, I'm not." I said in monotone.

"But you are upset, I can see that."

"Yes," I confirmed. "I am very upset.  She didn't even give me a chance to defend myself.  How dare she try to pull me away from you like that?"

He sympathetically rubbed my upper back and reminded me, "But why take it out on me?  Let's just go have fun okay?"

Realizing he was right, I shrugged it off and we went off to have fun.  I hugged and kissed him realizing that it doesn't matter what anyone says or thinks, it only matters that we keep deciding to be together happily.



Part two (Unrelated to part one)


I was to fly on a plane somewhere far away.  Maybe Mexico, maybe New York City, but I can't remember.  For the first phase of this dream there was a lot of focus on the passengers as if I was to get to know them.  But one thing was clear, my maternal family was going with me on this plane.  My mom sat next to me, two of my aunts were on the plane, my aunt Ana, and my aunt and godmother Elvira, and their daughters.  My grandma Julia was alive in the dream and traveling with us too.

The plane started moving and my mom mentioned she didn't feel like we were off the ground.  I told her we weren't, we were still on the wheels and the plane will speed up before we take flight.

Just then I realized we were going up a ramp, before I could buckle in we were falling like a roller coaster's plunge.  The end of the ramp curved up as though to launch us in the end.  There was a flight attendant walking the aisle checking seat belts.  She stopped next to me, I was holding on to my mom and my mom to me because now I was about to fly out of my seat!  I managed to buckle up and realized the flight attendant was standing so I grabbed on to her waist and she held on to me.  I realized the plane was more like a convertible.  I could see outside as though there was no top.

We took flight and I was relieved it was a smooth take off.  Though we were flying through city areas and freeways etc.  Before we cleared it, everything froze... as in frozen in time.  Time slowed to the point where it seemed to stop.  But I could move normally, unfrozen.  There were water droplets in the air, frozen in the moment and there was also frost on the city surrounding us, so frozen in temperature and time perhaps.  And I looked around and everyone was gone.  It was just myself and the flight attendant.

I looked at her and realized something right away, and asked, "Did we just die?"

"Yes." she said.

I felt an incredible sadness.  A heart break.  I couldn't remember my death experience, I could only imagine it, but I knew it was because it doesn't matter how we die, it only matters what we did with our lives, what we learned.  And now here I was, frozen... waiting.

I teared up, not for me, but for the others on the plane, my family!  Were they dead now too?  And I knew I would see them soon if they were but not yet.  And I looked at her, I had already asked the questions in my thoughts and she heard me ask if my mom was dead, and my grandma.  She looked back at me and said, "Yes they are dead now. But they are alright."

I felt the hurt even more.  To think what my mom would have thought of us dying!  I was stuck in my incarnate thoughts.  Thoughts from the body.  Thoughts of being a part of this world and because of that I was suffering and grieving over death.

I thought about my mom seeing me perish.  I thought of our last moments together before we died and while I was in a way glad we were together in those moments, I was sad because it was not a desirable exit.  I was sure my mom would not have wanted me to die so young.  To know your child is dying is a terrible experience and I don't need children of my own to know that.  I can feel that pain without having children.  And while I was certain she was concerned over her own end, she had an added concern about me.  And my grandma!  Her children on the plane with her, her grandchildren!  How terrible!  The pain in my chest was heavy and strong.  And I tried to find the bright side before it was too burdensome.

I looked at the flight attendant and said, "But they are all together now right?  They are all together and happy now right?"

She smiled and said, "Yes.  They are."

Looking at her I studied her features.  Her face, her dark straight hair.  She was Asian or similar to Asian. She had given me her name, and I recognized this name.  It was not a normal name.  I'd even venture to say it was not a human name.  Let's pretend her none human name was Debbie because I really can't remember it now.  "Debbie, you're my spirit guide aren't you?  You're my friend who always greets me when I finish my experience.  You help me decompress!"

She smiled and said, "Yes.  You seem to still struggle with letting go.  You faced a lot of heart ache this last incarnation.  What do you think you could have done differently?  Why do you think there was heart ache?  We need to find out what truly makes you happy, we need to pin point the moment of happiness in each sorrowful moment, because you keep missing it."

And thus began the journey through my life.  Examining hurtful moments and trying to find where I could have turned them around and not let the negativity stick.  At one point we traveled to a place that looked like a mall.  We were about to go up the escalators when something happened to Debbie.  She died and I caught her in my arms.  She was pale and blue, and I cried out her name.  And as tears rolled down my cheeks I composed myself and I spoke to her remains and said, "I love you.  Thank you for the experience you gave me while we had our time together.  I am happy that I knew you when and how I did.  I am happy you are continuing your journey beyond this realm."

As I finished speaking the words, she came back to life and as if nothing had happened, she celebrated my sentiment.  "That's exactly it!  Never be full of sorrow if you can help it.  Things always leads to good, even when you cannot see it!"

I realized again I was already dead.  She couldn't die here.  It was just an exercise.

"I'd like you to go and have the Earth experience as a human and see if you can so easily avoid sorrow.  We are given such emotions, they are nearly impossible to avoid and can be a beautiful thing to experience, sorrow and all!"  I said to her.  But she stared back with a mona lisa smile, either blank and unfeeling, or hiding something.





The dream continued a bit longer beyond that, but those were the two strongest messages from my psyche to myself.

Many of these things were shaped by conversations I had with my band mates in Citizens in Peril last night, and some of these by other thoughts I've had floating around.


The theme of letting go of resentment, and pain was in both pieces.  Interesting I dreamed of the in between concept of reincarnation too.

For some odd reason I wanted to share these two pieces with all of you.

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Nadia Vanessa Franco-Tobias and Katharina Livia like this.

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Katharina Livia Things always lead to good, even if you can't see it.. love it! grin emoticon

December 4, 2013 at 10:47am · Unlike · 1