Yesterday evening as Nate and I set out to venture over to the dog park with Sophia, I noticed two items abandoned in the parking garage... a vacuume cleaner and a Novara Aspen Commuter Bicyle. I was so delighted to see the bike...
I might mention I have two bikes sitting in our apartment... a Diamond Back bike (which actually belongs to my younger Sister Aisha but I am borrowing it until I get my own or she desires it back) and a Giant Bicycle meant for mountain terrain (which is actually my dad's and borrowed with the intent that Nate would join me on rides, however it's flat and we need a special adapter to fill the tires with air).
In my mind I no longer have a bike to my good name, though I once had plenty. I built one, I bought one at a yard sale, one was given to me by my dad, and another bought used as well (a banana seat), but all those bikes since I left home at 18 have since been donated, taken, or given away... So now I have only the borrowed bikes.
I might also mention that last year in September after the Interbike Expo in Las Vegas, I had borrowed a Jango Bicycle which Nate and I both became quite attached. It is still my mission today to aquire two of those bikes, one for myself and one for Nate. Originally, I thought we could keep that Jango bike, but a turn of events led me to believe I was decieved or there was a terrible misunderstanding, and it's alright with me, but I resorted to borrowing the two I now house in our apartment from my dad and feel obliged to return them as I have already kept them longer than I originally intended... plus Nathan does not currently desire to ride along with me.
So there I stood with this Novara bike inviting me to take it in and refurbish it. Nate did not pay mind to the bike, instead he saw the vacuume cleaner which he commented was a good vacuume and that he used to have one. I might add, I had been complaining about his vacuume for some time and recently acquired one by the same means as I meant to aquire this bike. Our neighbors had moved out and left a Dirt Devil Vacuume by the recycle bin. Since it looked brand new I took it in to inspect it, and upon taking it apart for cleaning I learned that all it needed was for the hair to be removed from the rotating bristles. The vacuume is practically brand new so I am quite happy with my finding.
Nathan must have thought I was still thinking about Vacuumes because when I corrected his glance over to the bike, he became impatient with my treasure seeking ways. He reminded me that I have two bikes up in the apartment and this lead to a disagreement. I said they were as much his as they are mine and that I only borrowed them until I could aquire my own. But he pointed out that those bikes are not his buit they are mine since they belong to family and thus I am free to use them whenever I should desire.
(btw, don't mind my story telling stile, I was reading childrens books over the weekend and it stuck.)
With this we went on to the dog park and then to coffee, and then to get Nathan a Subway sandwhich. When we got home the bike was still there, the vacuume was claimed. We went upstairs and went about our regular routine... movies, some laundry, etc... before we knew it, it was almost midnight. I decided to take Sophie out one last time for the day since I wouldn't do so until the following morning. When I got to the garage, the bike was still there. Without a second thought I took it over to the bike storage where I figured it would be safe until I could load it in my car for me to transport over to work where I can slowly work on it.
Happy with my claim I walked Sophia, and went back to the apartment. I did my research using my new MyTouch phone by t-mobile, and found that the newer versions of those bikes retail between $500-900 or so. I debated in my mind what I would do to this bike. Would I stip down the paint taking the brand name with it and then repainting it, maybe rebranding it with my own name or design? Would I leave the frame as is with it's logo from the late 80's? Will I change the brakes out or keep the stocked ones intact since they still have many miles before wear... so do the tires but I do not know if they are forever flat or just nee air.
Today the bike still sits where I left it. I doubt there will be another claimant since all the bikes in the bike storage are expensive, and this bike looks slightly rusty and out dated. I cannot understand where the joy of making such a find comes from, but somewhere deep inside my own heart is a feeling of rejoice for such a find and for the opportunity to work on this bike as I used to as a child.
I imagine Nate is not pleased with this, and this disturbs my being a great deal. Perhaps I fail to understand his frustration with my wanting to as he put it "horde" things (which I do actually to some extent), or perhaps he doesn't understand my upbringing and encouragement of such behavior through stories of bargain hunters and restorers.
With these thoughts, as I arrived at work this morning and contemplated my situation, I found myself quite frustrated. I am listing everything I own and do not use or have not a need for but that is still of some value (even if only $1.00) on ebay. I enjoy doing this... To some extend, I enjoy being a merchant. To some extend I enjoy trading. But really, there is a hidden creativity behind all this. There is a certain art... there is also a certain game that I enjoy playing in all this process...
Bottom line, it brings me great joy! However, this is a problem for I reserved the bike knowing of Nate's objection.
This poses the question... is the bike more important that Nathan? Is anything more important than Nathan? And if so, than am I worthy of such a man whom holds nothing as more important than myself? That's this problem and I confess it. This has always been the problem. I am not worthy of being a wife because I cannot place importance in a husband above all else. I do not know if I wish to be a wife if this is required of me because I believe we as individuals should have a right to our own simple pleasures so long as it does not disrupt the lives of others... my simple pleasure disrupts the life of Nathan, not fully, but enough to not aid him when he most needs my aid.
And so I sit and think of the bike that sits in the bike storage, and I whole heartedly wish Nate took the same passion in wanting to restore it, and perhaps use it, or sell it, or donate it... but simply to work on the bike would be such a marvelous experiance for me to share with him.
How is this neglect? I only long to share my passions with him. Passions I feel I've pushed out of my own life in the past ten years.
And so I conclude, I am still lost and have not found my way since I derailed in my early 20's. I will reach 30 at years end and I have nothing to show for it. No functional and joyful romantic relationship, no progressing musical path, no family of my own, and no property to my own name save for trinkets I've horded over the years which I now wish to sell to pay off debts and duties I am obligated to even still.
I admit, despite my meloncholy voice, I am in all honestly happy and excited. I know how to fight depression as I've dealt with it for so long in my past. I know the sun rises and I know moments are only moments, and only moments we choose them to be. God is on our side, always.
And again to that bike... I cannot wait to see it restored, and I can not wait for Nate to ride along next to me in the Jango bike I hope to buy him soon enough.
=)
All finished! Blue Novara Aspen mountain bike from circa 1990 or later, new giant bicycle tires, kick stand, chain, adjusted brakes, balanced. This is an excellent bike made of premium materials back then, and I am proud to be its new rider.
In the back seat!
A work in progress.
I might mention I have two bikes sitting in our apartment... a Diamond Back bike (which actually belongs to my younger Sister Aisha but I am borrowing it until I get my own or she desires it back) and a Giant Bicycle meant for mountain terrain (which is actually my dad's and borrowed with the intent that Nate would join me on rides, however it's flat and we need a special adapter to fill the tires with air).
In my mind I no longer have a bike to my good name, though I once had plenty. I built one, I bought one at a yard sale, one was given to me by my dad, and another bought used as well (a banana seat), but all those bikes since I left home at 18 have since been donated, taken, or given away... So now I have only the borrowed bikes.
I might also mention that last year in September after the Interbike Expo in Las Vegas, I had borrowed a Jango Bicycle which Nate and I both became quite attached. It is still my mission today to aquire two of those bikes, one for myself and one for Nate. Originally, I thought we could keep that Jango bike, but a turn of events led me to believe I was decieved or there was a terrible misunderstanding, and it's alright with me, but I resorted to borrowing the two I now house in our apartment from my dad and feel obliged to return them as I have already kept them longer than I originally intended... plus Nathan does not currently desire to ride along with me.
So there I stood with this Novara bike inviting me to take it in and refurbish it. Nate did not pay mind to the bike, instead he saw the vacuume cleaner which he commented was a good vacuume and that he used to have one. I might add, I had been complaining about his vacuume for some time and recently acquired one by the same means as I meant to aquire this bike. Our neighbors had moved out and left a Dirt Devil Vacuume by the recycle bin. Since it looked brand new I took it in to inspect it, and upon taking it apart for cleaning I learned that all it needed was for the hair to be removed from the rotating bristles. The vacuume is practically brand new so I am quite happy with my finding.
Nathan must have thought I was still thinking about Vacuumes because when I corrected his glance over to the bike, he became impatient with my treasure seeking ways. He reminded me that I have two bikes up in the apartment and this lead to a disagreement. I said they were as much his as they are mine and that I only borrowed them until I could aquire my own. But he pointed out that those bikes are not his buit they are mine since they belong to family and thus I am free to use them whenever I should desire.
(btw, don't mind my story telling stile, I was reading childrens books over the weekend and it stuck.)
With this we went on to the dog park and then to coffee, and then to get Nathan a Subway sandwhich. When we got home the bike was still there, the vacuume was claimed. We went upstairs and went about our regular routine... movies, some laundry, etc... before we knew it, it was almost midnight. I decided to take Sophie out one last time for the day since I wouldn't do so until the following morning. When I got to the garage, the bike was still there. Without a second thought I took it over to the bike storage where I figured it would be safe until I could load it in my car for me to transport over to work where I can slowly work on it.
Happy with my claim I walked Sophia, and went back to the apartment. I did my research using my new MyTouch phone by t-mobile, and found that the newer versions of those bikes retail between $500-900 or so. I debated in my mind what I would do to this bike. Would I stip down the paint taking the brand name with it and then repainting it, maybe rebranding it with my own name or design? Would I leave the frame as is with it's logo from the late 80's? Will I change the brakes out or keep the stocked ones intact since they still have many miles before wear... so do the tires but I do not know if they are forever flat or just nee air.
Today the bike still sits where I left it. I doubt there will be another claimant since all the bikes in the bike storage are expensive, and this bike looks slightly rusty and out dated. I cannot understand where the joy of making such a find comes from, but somewhere deep inside my own heart is a feeling of rejoice for such a find and for the opportunity to work on this bike as I used to as a child.
I imagine Nate is not pleased with this, and this disturbs my being a great deal. Perhaps I fail to understand his frustration with my wanting to as he put it "horde" things (which I do actually to some extent), or perhaps he doesn't understand my upbringing and encouragement of such behavior through stories of bargain hunters and restorers.
With these thoughts, as I arrived at work this morning and contemplated my situation, I found myself quite frustrated. I am listing everything I own and do not use or have not a need for but that is still of some value (even if only $1.00) on ebay. I enjoy doing this... To some extend, I enjoy being a merchant. To some extend I enjoy trading. But really, there is a hidden creativity behind all this. There is a certain art... there is also a certain game that I enjoy playing in all this process...
Bottom line, it brings me great joy! However, this is a problem for I reserved the bike knowing of Nate's objection.
This poses the question... is the bike more important that Nathan? Is anything more important than Nathan? And if so, than am I worthy of such a man whom holds nothing as more important than myself? That's this problem and I confess it. This has always been the problem. I am not worthy of being a wife because I cannot place importance in a husband above all else. I do not know if I wish to be a wife if this is required of me because I believe we as individuals should have a right to our own simple pleasures so long as it does not disrupt the lives of others... my simple pleasure disrupts the life of Nathan, not fully, but enough to not aid him when he most needs my aid.
And so I sit and think of the bike that sits in the bike storage, and I whole heartedly wish Nate took the same passion in wanting to restore it, and perhaps use it, or sell it, or donate it... but simply to work on the bike would be such a marvelous experiance for me to share with him.
How is this neglect? I only long to share my passions with him. Passions I feel I've pushed out of my own life in the past ten years.
And so I conclude, I am still lost and have not found my way since I derailed in my early 20's. I will reach 30 at years end and I have nothing to show for it. No functional and joyful romantic relationship, no progressing musical path, no family of my own, and no property to my own name save for trinkets I've horded over the years which I now wish to sell to pay off debts and duties I am obligated to even still.
I admit, despite my meloncholy voice, I am in all honestly happy and excited. I know how to fight depression as I've dealt with it for so long in my past. I know the sun rises and I know moments are only moments, and only moments we choose them to be. God is on our side, always.
And again to that bike... I cannot wait to see it restored, and I can not wait for Nate to ride along next to me in the Jango bike I hope to buy him soon enough.
=)
All finished! Blue Novara Aspen mountain bike from circa 1990 or later, new giant bicycle tires, kick stand, chain, adjusted brakes, balanced. This is an excellent bike made of premium materials back then, and I am proud to be its new rider.In the back seat!A work in progress.- Get link
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