Over the weekend I had a chance to center, and do some thinking.
It is the second week I did not go to Band Practice. The week prior, the guys came down and we had a meeting. Although I do think many things were resolved, something happened after the fact that set myself into motion into something I think is good but not necessarily to do with the band.
I cannot say I am not mildly disappointed that TMH will not be opening for Epica. We had our chance, but perhaps it was not the right time. Still, I cannot help but feel disapointed at not being met with the same enthusiasm at an opportunity like this. Furthermore the situation showed me there is an evident tension and that arises from miscommunication. I am confident this will not happen in the future however I know that the distance does not help.
Nate and I are in a long distance relationship with the band, and we travel the greatest distance to practice. This makes it difficult to bond and grow as a band since there are less than 52 band practices and no shows per year (current average).
I've voiced my want to simply leave the band, and each time we talk, I am convinced that I need to stick around... Oh, yes, I do believe I need to stick with this band. We have fantastic music, and although I detest the weekly commute, and have the poison of the thought that we will never live in close proximity, I still believe we must share our music with anyone who will listen. The trouble currently is actually playing to an audience. By February we will have a full schedule of shows.
Regardless... Here's where I am at.
This weekend, after work plans falling through, I found myself with a free weekend... and while I could have pushed for practice, I decided to visit my mom and grandma instead with leaving a day to simply enjoy with Nathan... I didn't really plan anything but everything worked out. Friday night, Nate and I went out on a date. Acapulco for dinner, and a local cinema to watch Nowhere Boy”. I found myself inspired not necessarily by the story, but by the drive, ambition, focus, and perseverance that John and Paul had as boys. Specifically John… he decided what he anted and it became his main focus. Soon thereafter, the right people started to find him and since they shared the same dream, they joined him…That struck me in such a way that I had to revisit my thoughts on myself.
On Saturday, I visited my mom. I met her at the swap meet, of course, and afterwards we were to head home so I can see my grandma. We ended up shopping and we ate at Rubio’s since she recently discovered it and enjoys their taquitos. We talked about many things and of course the music. I told her how I lack that obsession… I want it, but right now I lack that burning desire to be a performing artist. We spoke of all the things in the past that I have accomplished and I pointed out how she’s always been there to help and encourage me musically.
Sunday Nate and I went on a quest for Breakfast and ended up in San Clemente.We had fun, and I won’t go into details but it felt so good to spend the brighter part of the day out with Nate and Sophia (our border collie mix). We spoke on the drive to and fro about many things, and again, music. We spoke about the drive… the “why” to our goals and how we lack it. But I don’t know that I lack it anymore. This weekend did make me rethink everything. I recognize I’m a stopper in my own life and enough is enough.
When Nate and I got home, we immediately went to work on our music. He finished recording his parts for songs of TMH, and I began to practice the piano.I started to sing the songs that I naturally gravitate to, and I decided to records a classic Mexican ballad in English, simply for the same for doing it.
I restructured my goals. I gave myself a pre-birthday resolution. I will make more time for myself by doing more with my time. I already have everything I want, but I want to use it and enjoy everything I have!
And with that vague statement, I’ll leave you with this… I will be singing at a stage near you very soon, and as often as I possibly can.
~Syren Maria
It is the second week I did not go to Band Practice. The week prior, the guys came down and we had a meeting. Although I do think many things were resolved, something happened after the fact that set myself into motion into something I think is good but not necessarily to do with the band.
I cannot say I am not mildly disappointed that TMH will not be opening for Epica. We had our chance, but perhaps it was not the right time. Still, I cannot help but feel disapointed at not being met with the same enthusiasm at an opportunity like this. Furthermore the situation showed me there is an evident tension and that arises from miscommunication. I am confident this will not happen in the future however I know that the distance does not help.
Nate and I are in a long distance relationship with the band, and we travel the greatest distance to practice. This makes it difficult to bond and grow as a band since there are less than 52 band practices and no shows per year (current average).
I've voiced my want to simply leave the band, and each time we talk, I am convinced that I need to stick around... Oh, yes, I do believe I need to stick with this band. We have fantastic music, and although I detest the weekly commute, and have the poison of the thought that we will never live in close proximity, I still believe we must share our music with anyone who will listen. The trouble currently is actually playing to an audience. By February we will have a full schedule of shows.
Regardless... Here's where I am at.
This weekend, after work plans falling through, I found myself with a free weekend... and while I could have pushed for practice, I decided to visit my mom and grandma instead with leaving a day to simply enjoy with Nathan... I didn't really plan anything but everything worked out. Friday night, Nate and I went out on a date. Acapulco for dinner, and a local cinema to watch Nowhere Boy”. I found myself inspired not necessarily by the story, but by the drive, ambition, focus, and perseverance that John and Paul had as boys. Specifically John… he decided what he anted and it became his main focus. Soon thereafter, the right people started to find him and since they shared the same dream, they joined him…That struck me in such a way that I had to revisit my thoughts on myself.
On Saturday, I visited my mom. I met her at the swap meet, of course, and afterwards we were to head home so I can see my grandma. We ended up shopping and we ate at Rubio’s since she recently discovered it and enjoys their taquitos. We talked about many things and of course the music. I told her how I lack that obsession… I want it, but right now I lack that burning desire to be a performing artist. We spoke of all the things in the past that I have accomplished and I pointed out how she’s always been there to help and encourage me musically.
Sunday Nate and I went on a quest for Breakfast and ended up in San Clemente.We had fun, and I won’t go into details but it felt so good to spend the brighter part of the day out with Nate and Sophia (our border collie mix). We spoke on the drive to and fro about many things, and again, music. We spoke about the drive… the “why” to our goals and how we lack it. But I don’t know that I lack it anymore. This weekend did make me rethink everything. I recognize I’m a stopper in my own life and enough is enough.
When Nate and I got home, we immediately went to work on our music. He finished recording his parts for songs of TMH, and I began to practice the piano.I started to sing the songs that I naturally gravitate to, and I decided to records a classic Mexican ballad in English, simply for the same for doing it.
I restructured my goals. I gave myself a pre-birthday resolution. I will make more time for myself by doing more with my time. I already have everything I want, but I want to use it and enjoy everything I have!
And with that vague statement, I’ll leave you with this… I will be singing at a stage near you very soon, and as often as I possibly can.
~Syren Maria
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